What's getting in the way?

Alright. Time for a tough talk with myself. I'm really getting frustrated with myself, and I feel strange that I can't figure out what the issue is. It always is difficult for me when I hear people complain about something and then do nothing to address it. Hate the government? Write a letter to your congressperson. Frustrated with how your partner is treating you? Let him/her know what's up. Tired of being broke? Budget time. In general, I feel comfortable tackling my problems and asserting myself when necessary. But for some reason, I'm really having trouble keeping my resolutions to be active.

When any of my clients really seem stuck in a pattern of behavior that's bad for them (I should say "maladaptive." "Bad" isn't a good therapy word), I turn to the "language of constraints." It's one of the first thing that they teach therapists-in-training in my program, and it's been one of the most valuable, simple tools that I've ever learned.

Basically, the idea is that people want to do what's good for them, and that if they're stuck in a maladaptive behavior, it's because they're not sure what else to do. For example, a mom yells at her kids because she never learned how to do anything else or doesn't have the emotional stability to act differently. It doesn't excuse or justify the behavior, but it helps explain it, and many of my clients feel good about it because it's very de-blaming.

So, instead of saying "Why did you lie?", you ask a client, "What kept you from telling the truth?" Instead of implying that they're bad or that they did something wrong, you metaphorically sit beside them and look together at the constraints, or whatever's getting in the way of acting better.

So, I really need to sit with myself and figure out what's getting in the way of me making a change. For the most part, I'm really happy with how my body looks, but my upper arms can reduce me to tears. Today, I was waving hello to a friend when I caught the extra fat on my upper arm shimmying and jiggling. I dropped my arms down instantly and squished them against my sides. That only made them look larger, so I stood awkwardly with my arms slightly away from my body. I felt like an idiot, and it wasn't very pleasant.

I'm clearly not happy with how my arms look, and I know that changing them is within my power. Do 40 minutes of cardio 4 times a week and do 30 minutes of weights on the off days from cardio, and my arms will become (at least slightly) more toned within three months. My wedding is four months away, and I don't have much more time to put it off.

So what's getting in the way? I have absolutely no idea. I don't want to become one of those complainers who don't act, but I worry I'm sliding into that category. Boo.