Man, I fail at writing! But here's the good news...

My ridiculous blogging lapse is really a perfect reflection of my problems with motivation. I'll get on a kick (dieting, exercise, etc.) for a week or two, then it fades. It's usually not an intentional decision to stop whatever I've been doing, but it tends to slip my mind. Once I realize I haven't been doing it for a while, I get frustrated with myself and give up. Not exactly the best idea!

I was thinking today about the advice that I give my clients when they're having a tough time. As a marital and family therapist grad student, it's important to be the voice of hope and motivation for my clients, even when times seem bleak. I realized today that I tend to spend so much more energy believing in them and coaching them on that I spend on myself. Even though I have an overall positive self-image, I don't consciously build myself up. I tend to see myself as somebody who doesn't really need help or coaching. I've been a bit of an overachiever for most of my life, so it's strange to me that I need to specifically and intentionally coach myself to treat my body well.

So, I'm not just going to stop. I've been feeling good about my body recently, and I know that it's completely connected to having gone running/jogging/walking four times over the past week. Yep, you heard that right... I've actually enjoyed going for a jog!

I need to preface all that by sying that I'm about the last person anyone would expect to take up running. I've always wanted to (I mean, it's free, you can do it anywhere, and it's amazing for your body), but I'd get discouraged when I'd go out for that first awful run. I'd quit after less than a mile, my cheeks bright red, my throat burning, and my side aching. All it seemed to do was remind me how out of shape I was.

It's still hard to figure out what was different last time. Even though I haven't been working out regularly, I've gone once every two weeks or so since January. I'm guessing it made a small (very, very small) difference in my stamina, but I guess it was enough to let me go a little farther down the sidewalk. It was enough to keep me going.

Last Wednesday, I just went out for 20 minutes. I got home from class at 6:30, Top Model started, at seven, but I read a thread on the Knot about a Knottie who'd gone running and felt really good about herself. I figured, why not?

The next day, it was 80 degrees, sunny, and breezy. I decided to go for a walk on the shore of Lake Michigan. My walk turned into a brisk walk, then into a jog. I found myself home after a 5-mile journey, and I felt amazing. Even though I walked most of the way, I was shocked how much easier it was to jog a little further. Since then, it's continued.

I know I haven't been a good candidate for exercise, since I can be really impatient. I'll do 20 crunches and expect to see a 6-pack in the mirror, which simply isn't realistic. Even though I have felt my body change in subtle ways over the past week, this running thing is amazing, since I've felt real, powerful changes in my body after just a few runs. Last night, I walked/jogged 10 miles with a friend. It felt like nothing I've known before.

So. Here I go, I hope!